George and the Great Dragon Killing Spectacle Show
A dialogue for two voices
Simon Brooke,
Carlinscraig, Auchencairn, DG7 1QU
© Simon Brooke 2004
[This is my second cut at this particular fable, the first
cut is here.]
cast of characters:
- George
- the tent-maker's son, rather shy and downbeat, has recently
been part of the team building the stands for the show.
- Eleanor
- the cloth-merchant's daughter, beautiful, charming,
vivacious - the girl everyone wants to go out with. Knows
George but has never thought of him in that way.
Act one, scene one
A rock in a desert place. Sitting on the rock, chained to it,
is Eleanor. Enter, stage left, George.
- George
- Hi Eleanor... do you mind if I sit beside you?
- Eleanor
- Oh! Hullo, George. What are you doing here?
- George
- Well, I've been building the stands and marquees for this
show with my dad the last five years, and I've never actually
got to see it - you can't see anything from the commoners
stand. And, you know, I thought you might like the company...
do you mind if I sit?
- Eleanor
- Well... no, not at all... but won't you be in trouble with
the stewards?
- George
- Frankly, do you really think they're going to do anything
about it?
- Eleanor
- Oh! No, I suppose not. Not until after...
- George
- Well, we aren't going to worry about that then. Don't the
stands look grand? That scarlet brocade on the royal box really
glows.
- Eleanor
- It does, doesn't it? Father was really pleased with that.
He said he got a very good price on it. What with that and all
the fancy new dresses he says it's been a good festival for
him.
- George
- Well, I thought it must be. I was really surprised when you
got nominated for the lead role. I would have thought he could
afford...
- Eleanor
- Oh, well, you know, it's what comes of being the fourth
daughter. Marjorie's getting married this year and Mother
wanted to put on a big show, so there wasn't any money to spare
for me. And as Father said, it's good for the family's standing
in the town to have me centre stage, as it were...
- George
- Families, eh? Who'd have them. Always embarass you or let
you down. Is that really cloth of gold Crown Princess Charlotte
is wearing?
- Eleanor
- It doesn't suit her, does it? Completely the wrong colour
for her complexion... But yes, it's real. Father supplied that,
too.
- George
- It would suit you much better...
- Eleanor
- Do you really think so? Imagine me in a cloth of gold
dress!
- George
- Well, it's not funny. You would look beautiful in it.
You're much more beautiful than her anyway. You look beautiful
in anything.
- Eleanor
- Oh, that's so sweet of you. I didn't know you...
- George
- I do think they might have given you a nice dress. I mean,
you're supposed to be deputising for her, and...
- Eleanor
- Wouldn't that be nice? But it's bound to be awfully
uncomfortable. And so heavy. And it would get ruined. And
anyway I'm supposed to look virginal, so I suppose the muslin
makes sense. And, anyway, at this distance no-one really gets
to see it. Oh, look, is that Sir Percival coming out?
- George
- Must be. I see he's the 'shining armour' type.
- Eleanor
- Is there any other type?
- George
- Well - of course I didn't see - but apparently Prince
Nicholai, the year before last, wore a padded thing soaked in
water. Fancy, of course, but that was what it was.
- Eleanor
- Did it work?
- George
- I hear he got steamed - you know, like perch in a basket.
Very tender and delicate...
- Eleanor
- George!
- George
- Well, he was... listen to them all cheer. I didn't realise
Percy was so popular. What's that the Princess is giving
him?
- Eleanor
- Must be her glove, I think. That's the standard thing,
isn't it? Oh, here comes the Archbishop.
- George
- Sanctimonious old hypocrite. Did he give you a blessing
before you came out here?
- Eleanor
- Yes. That bit wasn't very nice, actually.
- George
- Oh? Why not?
- Eleanor
- Well, you know. Like you say, he's sanctimonious and a bit
slimey... and he brought this abbess to make sure I was
qualified. That wasn't nice at all. And there was I thinking that
if I'd any sense I'd have got myself disqualified...
- George
- If you'd asked me I'd have been more than happy to help you
out.
- Eleanor
- George! Behave!
- George
- Well, I would.
- Eleanor
- I'm sure you would. You and half the rest of the city.
- George
- Yes, true. I wouldn't have been anywhere near the front of
that queue.
- Eleanor
- George!
- George
- Well, I wouldn't, would I?
- Eleanor
- I really didn't mean it like that...
- George
- Never mind, Eleanor, I know you didn't. Look, he's
kneeling. How do you kneel in all that plate metal?
- Eleanor
- It's not how you kneel that would worry me, it's how you
get up again... well, that's the blessing done. What happens
next?
- George
- Well, he gets up, I suppose. Oh, look, his squire is
helping him.
- Eleanor
- So he is. I don't find that very comforting, somehow.
- George
- I remember now, it's the heralds. We get a big fanfare. 'Come
to the cookhouse door, boy, come to the cookhouse door'... Shit,
what an awful noise. You'd think they could at least learn to play
in tune.
- Eleanor
- Oh, I don't know, George, this will probably be all the
rage next year... No, you're right, it won't be. It's too
awful.
- George
- Oh-oh, don't look now. Here comes trouble.
- Eleanor
- Holy mother! I didn't think it would be so big! What does
it eat when it can't get virgin?
- George
- Don't worry, Eleanor. Sir Percival might beat it...
- Eleanor
- Oh, yes. Just like all the others. Mind you, that was a
good shot. He is brave.
- George
- Or stupid... Go, Sir Percy!
- Eleanor
- Can he actually see it through that visor?
- George
- He must be - Ouch! That must have hurt!
- Eleanor
- He's getting up again... he's facing the wrong way... Sir
Percival, it's behind you... Oh God. He is brave, George. He's
still trying to get up... Oh, shit. George?
- George
- Yes, Eleanor?
- Eleanor
- I think you ought to go now. I really do appreciate you
coming to keep me company and all that, but I think this is my
cue.
- George
- Well, you know I wasn't really planning on going, Nell. I
mean, the town wouldn't be worth living in if you weren't
there. Oh, look, it's stopped playing with Sir Percival, I
think it's coming over...
- Eleanor
- George, don't be so bloody stupid. Go! Run! Now!
- George
- You said Sir Percival was brave!
- Eleanor
- Yes, but at least he had armour and a sword. What's
that?
- George
- Tent pole. What do you expect? I'm a tent-maker's son.
- Eleanor
- George, I know you mean well, but there's no point. Just
go, will you?
- George
- Of course there's no point, it's a tent-pole. It does have a
spike... Look, Nell, I'm sorry to spoil your big day. But the
thing is, I'm rather a fan of the leading lady... anyway, it's too
late now. Oh shit. What was it we were saying about brave and
stupid?
- Eleanor
- Is there a difference?
- George
- Probably not - Ouch! Shit!
- Eleanor
- Are you all right?
- George
- Yes - I think so. I didn't expect it to do that.
- Eleanor
- You should have gone while you could...
- George
- What, and miss all the -- oh -- got you, you beast. You
don't like that, do you.
- Eleanor
- It's getting really angry now.
- George
- Oh well, all part of the entertainment. I hope this tent
pole's strong enough... tentertainment, the art of tickling
dragons with tentpoles. Nell...
- Eleanor
- Yes?
- George
- In my bag there you'll find a hammer and a cold
chisel.
- Eleanor
- Got them.
- George
- The big idea was I was going to kill the beast with the
tentpole and then cut you loose, but I think that may not
actually work. So just to save me a bit of effort...
- Eleanor
- Yes?
- George
- Cut yourself free, there's a good girl... Holy mother!
- Eleanor
- The tent pole's bending!
- George
- I know it is, Nell. It's got the spike lodged in its armpit
and the stupid beast still pushing. Cut yourself free! Do it,
Nell... Oh! Oh...
- Eleanor
- George! George, I think you've done it!
- George
- Quick, Nell, the hammer. Hold that chisel!
- Eleanor
- What's so urgent, George? The stewards are coming!
- George
- Too right, and we'd better get out of here before they
do...
- Eleanor
- Why? You killed the dragon, you'll be a hero.
- George
- You think so? How many of the merchants of the city make
their living out the Great Dragon Festival?
- Eleanor
- Well... all of them...
- George
- And we've just killed their dragon. We're going to be
persona non grata around here. Come on, Eleanor! Run!
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