The Rite of Spring: Fragment 34g
The Princess
in which Aonan considers her heritage, and dreams of horses

"last night you told me a lot about your mother, but you didn't mention your father at all. Who was he?"

Tan's answer staggered me. He said, without embarrassment,

"I don't know. One of the men of my mother's house, I suppose."

I could not understand this. Surely the son of a loose woman - a man who did not even know his father - could not become a priest? I had stopped eating, and sat looking at him slack-jawed. Tan looked up, and saw my shock.

"Aonan, it isn't unusual here. Among your people I believe that women are only supposed to lie with one man?"

"Of course", I said.

"How else could the Noble Blood be kept pure?"

Tan laughed.

"That isn't a problem among my people", he said. He explained that most of the people of the Place didn't keep bloodlines. Kiara's people kept the bloodlines of the mother's side, but not of the father's. Most of the people of the Place belonged to a house. I thought I understood this, because I had seen people of the House of the Hand, the Ear, the Cock, and Kiara of the Cunt. But Kiara said no, that wasn't the way of it.

"The Houses you have named are all Priestly Houses, whose job is to serve the God and maintain the cults. Only priests belong to Priestly Houses."

She went on to explain about houses, and I realised they were like tiny clans. The people of a House shared their wealth, and worked together just as the people of the Clan do. I said this to Kiara, and she agreed that it was so. She said that people didn't necessarily stay with the same House all of their lives; for example, both she and Tan had left their mothers' houses to join the Priestly Houses.

Then she said

"the way that men and women live together varies a bit according to which cults they follow; but in most houses, people lie with anyone else of the same house they fancy. In some houses, many women keep with only one man for long periods, or even for their whole life; but they don't have to. In the House of Kiar, which is the house I grew up in, it is very much the custom for a woman to take any man she chooses, whenever she chooses. Most houses which are particularly close to the cult of the Cunt follow that practice."

I found this very shocking. I thought about it carefully, concentrating on my food, although without really tasting it. It was important, I knew, that women only lie with one man, so that the blood line be kept pure. That was why a dishonoured woman must be stoned to death, or else cast out from the tribe, according to the will of her master. But if there were no bloodline to keep, why should it matter? I didn't know. Nevertheless the thought of women choosing to lay themseleves down driven by nothing higher than animal lust gave me a nauseous feeling.

Tan said

"It used to be the way of the cult of the Eye that women must keep to only one man."

I asked why this practice had been discontinued. Tan said that it was because most of the women had left the cult, and so the cult had started to die out. Now women of the Eye did very much as they pleased, but still there were not many of them. "The cult of the Eye does not much like women"

said Kiara.

"They think the bleeding of our wombs is unclean, because it comes of the moon. There are no women priests of the Eye, and the priests may not touch women."

Again, my thoughts were wrenched. I asked her whether she did not think that the bleeding was unclean. Tan said

"it is the God's way of preparing the furrow for the seed, and so it is sacred and a blessing. Surely, even among your people it is known that a woman cannot bear children unless she bleeds first?"

Well, of course, I did know that. And Tan's way of looking at it made a sort of sense. But it was not the way of my people. I found myself once again becoming confused and frightened; and once again, Kiara turned the conversation to horses, and we relaxed.

At length we became weary. As on the previous night, Kiara and Tan left me to enable me to make my ablutions and lay aside my garments with due privacy, returning in a short time with their own bedding, which they made down in the outer part of the room. However, on this occasion Tan did not extinguish all the lights, but left one burning as he disrobed; this he turned very low. I rolled over, so as to face the wall. Behind me, Tan and Kiara called

"goodnight", and I in turn replied. For a long time I lay in silence. The experiences of the day were buzzing in my head, and I could not sleep; but I lay still, and I think my companions must have thought me asleep.

I heard Kiara's voice, very softly.

"Tan..."

she said, "will you make love to me?"

"May I?"

"Please..."

Faint sounds of gentle movement; stirrings, creakings, slithering sounds, kissing; a stifled giggle. I wanted to turn and watch, but knew that I must not. Someone's breathing was growing hoarse, ragged. After a while Kiara spoke again:

"not there, not there... not yet..." Again the stirring noises. The breathing hoarser yet. A voice again, I think Kiara, but gasping:

"Ohh, yes... Oh, yes... Oh Yes! ... ohhh, ohhh, ohhh... oh, thank you..."

Silence. Breath calming. And then Kiara again:

"come into me now?"

At that I confess my eyes flew open. What in the name of the All Seeing God had they been doing thus far, if he had not yet mounted her? With conscious effort a maintained my position. Something within me cried out to turn. Instead, I stared at the wall; and, as I did so, something glinted deepest red in the corner of my vision. It was the prosthetic masculine organ which Tan had brought.

From behind me now came a moaning sound, the sound of someone moved beyond speach; and yet not desolate or tearing, as when one suffers or grieves. Just a soft, long almost musical moan, repeated rythmically; and to that rythm I heard the slither of skin on skin. The rythm very gradually quickened. I found that I had raised my shift, and was touching my private place. I jerked my hand away. The ruby seemed to draw my eyes, as the shaman's charm does when he calls someone into the dreaming place.

The rythm broke. Different sounds of movement. another stifled giggle. Kiara, very quietly, pleading, but in a laughing voice; for what, I couldn't guess. Then Tan:

"Turn a little more then... yes... grip my elbow..."

This time a sort of groaning grunt, soft, but repeated more frequently, keeping time to a new faster rythm of sliding, with a little slap in it. Again I found my hand had sought my deeps, and this time I did not remove it. I could no longer hear their breathing over my own, but the groaning built up, and my hand - as it seemed involuntarily - moved with it. At last there was a shuddering moan, and again stillness. I froze. After a long moment, Kiara, her voice deep and liquid:

"ohhh... Tan... thank you. You come now..." Tan:

"your turn, then..."

"No, no... I can't move after what you've done to me..."

"Lazybones..."

A chuckle. Sounds of kissing. Then the sliding again, rythmic; after a time, Kiara chanting

"come... come... come..."

in such a way that I knew it had been she who had moaned earlier. Again the rythm quickened; again my hand - against, I thought, all my volition - moved with it. Tan gave a gasp, and moaned too; once, twice, thrice... and then stillness. Sound of kissing. Sleepy chuckle. A shuffling noise. Stillness.

My groin was on fire, magnetic to my hands as though it itched; sticky liquid leaked from me. I dragged my hands away. Again the ruby winked. With great care to make no noise, I reached out and grasped the implement. I explored it with hand and eye. I moved it so that the ruby lay against what I supposed must be my generative orifice. What would it feel like? Surely it could not matter - it was only a piece of jewelry after all... Once more I took charge of myself, put it from me, and composed myself to sleep.

In my dream, I found myself back in that first green vale Linnain and I had encountered in our journey out of the mountains. It was early in the day, and the fresh grass was flowing past under my hooves. I found myself to be a horse, enjoying, as a horse will, the freshness of the cool air and the firmness of the turf, and the joy of living. Another horse came out of the early mist, as black as myself, compact, strongly made, and I saw that it was Linnain. We raced and danced together, through the mist and the scattered pines. In that first part of my dream, I saw without surprise that Lin was a gelding. Another mare came out of the mist to join us. She was rangy, chestnut coloured, bridled; I saw that she was Kiara. We stood together, snorting the fresh astringent air, on the banks of a rocky, tumbling stream. We drank the clear cold water, and walked together back up onto the heath.

Again there was a drumming of hooves, and a horse came out of the mist. I saw it was the King Horse, although, instead of being white like the King Horse I had seen, he was golden, with flowing silver mane and tail, a big, beautifully muscled, rangy horse. He cantered in between the other horses, and bit me playfully on the shoulder. I danced off into the mist, and we played at chase for a short time, among the pines and whin bushes. I felt my belly turn soft, and came to a stand, tail lifted to the side, turning my haunches to him coyly. I felt him sniffing at me, and danced away again; but quickly came to a stand again. This time I stood to let him mount... and then the dream got lost, as dreams will. What would it feel like? How would it happen?

And then I was dreaming again. Perhaps there was no interruption. I lay on the grass in my own form. The King Horse lay beside me, and he was Tan. He was kissing me, and I returned the kiss. That was curious, too. In my dream, I could not feel anything with my lips. Tan was kissing me, as I wanted, but I could not feel it. I could feel his hands on my body, though, and feel the excitement rising within me. Then he was on top of me, he would come into me, I could feel that my body was softened and lubricated for him... and once again the dream twisted away from me.

Again we were galloping across the heath, and the others were with us. The King Horse was playing with the other black horse, and I saw that it was now a mare, but somehow it was still Lin. This confused and troubled me. I saw Lin stand for the King Horse, and with that I twisted the dream away. I didn't want to dream that, It was too disturbing. But in twisting that dream away, I came into the falling dream. I was riding the bridled chestnut mare along a track no more than two manheights wide. On either side, there was nothing but void, stretching down to bare, jagged grey rocks far below. Far ahead, the track reached into a defile between two great mountain peaks, all grey and black and white. If I could get there, I knew that I would be safe. I whipped my horse on, and she galloped to break her heart, but the mountains didn't seem to come any nearer. There was no colour but the glossy chestnut head of my straining mare - Kiara's head, but still she was a horse - and then there was colour beside me. A long streak of vivid copper-bronze head, and then a crimson wing great as a wall, cutting across the track just ahead of us. My horse started, and put a foot into the void, and then we were falling... falling... Grey stone floating past, swirling about us like a dust storm, the vivid colour of the dragon above us against the sky, and Kiara is no longer a horse. I cling to her, and we are falling, falling.

I awoke, gasping, terribly afraid. I wanted to call out for help, for comfort. There was no sound but quiet, steady brething. I looked into the outer part of the cell. In the faint glow of the lamp, I saw Tan lying on his back, peacefully asleep. Kiara lay half on him, her head on his shoulder, cradled in his arm. She looked as one from whom all cares have been taken. A thin sheet covered them, draped so that I could see with my minds eye the whole shap of them. I lay there for some while, fearful to sleep for the nightmare.

I was irritated by something hard digging into my shoulder. I twisted to discover what it might be, and found the implement. I took it in my hands, and found it warm now, from the bed. I looked at it for a long time, at the light moving and twisting in the heart of the ruby; and perhaps it did draw me into the dreaming place. Certainly, I seemed unable to control myself. I took the implement, and, overcoming some little resistance, inserted it into what seemed the appropriate place. There was some pain in this, but I found surprising comfort in the sensation of the implement within my tender parts, and with it thus, fell into a refreshing sleep; and if I dreamed, I do not recall it.

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