The Rite of Spring: The Princess

The Rite of Spring: Fragment 38

The Princess
in which Aonan is rescued from her captivity by a hero who turns out not to be

That night I lay alone in my cell, and the outer part of the room was not occupied. I was able to reflect on my plight. I thought of the morrow. If the Rite was to proceed, and in my heart I knew it must, I knew that I would rather it were Tan who performed it than another. I knew also that if, when the time came, I did not give my consent, he might well refuse. It did not seem to me that I could consent. It would be a very wrong thing for me to do, for I was certain in my heart that if the Rite was performed, my people must go down into defeat. I could not, indeed, prevent that; yet I could refuse my consent, and so I must. Yet if I did, I thought it probable that Tan would die. In truth I liked Tan well; I did not wish him harm. And yet I felt that he was in some part responsible for the pass to which we had all come. If he refused to perform the Rite, I would indeed honour him for it, but I would not be grateful. His refusal would protect me from nothing; I should still be dishonoured. He could not make me take responsibility for his death.

I thought again of Linnain. I thought of the competence with which he had approached each new situation. I thought of the steadfast courage that was required to hunt dragons, alone and on foot, among the wild peaks of the Rim. It was a very different kind of courage from that of a warrior, charging into battle with friends all around, and the knowledge that, if he were not injured in the short span of the encounter, there was a warm fire and good fellowship to return to afterwards. I thought that, if I had had the good sense to stay with Linnain as he had suggested, I would not be in this place now. I thought that, if Linnain had been in this place with me, he would immediately set to to find a way out. I did pray, as I had promised Tan, for aid in this hour of need; and the form of aid for which I preyed was Lin.

Linnain's slight form was before my eyes as I went to sleep, and the last thought of my traitorous mind as I slipped into unconsciousness, was that if the worst did transpire, and I was dishonoured on the morrow so that I could never return to my place among the Rhiconaiach, I would him seek out, and there I might not be rejected.

But in dreams one's mind is free of the restraints of modesty, and my dreams were of Tan. Of myself on the cradle, as I had been that afternoon, as I would be the next day, naked, bound, exposed, helpless. Of Tan's magnificent body; of his true manflesh organ, erect and hot, of the sensations it would provoke in me. Of his gentleness, of his strength, of Kiara's soft moaning that tomorrow I might echo. Awake, I could deny him. Asleep... ah, sleep is another place.

But just as it was Linnain I had seen as I fell into sleep, so it was Linnain who was before my eyes as I awoke. It was still dark, only faint moonlight from the high window creeping into the cell. Linnain was squatting beside my palette, a finger to his lips, shaking me gently by the shoulder. At first I could not believe that he was there, and thought that I must yet be dreaming. He was looking at me with an oddly gentle smile on his face; he bent forward and kissed me tenderly, once on each eyelid. Once I would have objected - but it was past time for proprieties now. I put my arms about him, drew my face into his shoulder, and wept silently. He stroked my hair and shoulders gently, repeating over and over in a tender undervoice

"Oh, you pissing silly bint. You poor pissing silly bint."

It was so characteristic of him that I felt a warm, familiar, almost homely feeling.

After I had composed myself a little, I released him, and sat up upon my palette.

"Linnain", I said, "why have you come?"

He bent his head down, and I saw that he was embarrassed, making him appear more girlish than ever.

"You were in my thoughts, Aonan. I couldn't get any pissing sleep for fretting on what had happened to you. So I came... Aonan," a pause; his voice quiet and a little hoarse -

"Aonan, I desire you."

I was a little shocked. I had not considered Linnain in that way. He had not impressed me as a manly, a virile man. I had indeed imagined what it might be like to live with him, to share food with him, and chores, and laughter, as we had in our journey through the mountains. but I had not thought of him in the way I had of Tan, in my bed and in my belly. At the same time I was moved with real warmth for him. I said

"I have missed you, Lin. I wholeheartedly regret leaving you as I did. I have been wishing you would come. I have so many apologies to make to you."

He smiled at me, but his face was crooked and sad.

"Did you want me to come to get you out?"

I nodded. He said, very low,

"if I got you out, would you come away with me?"

Lin, if you had left it one more day I would have come, I would have been happy to come. Lin, I cannot tell you that. This way, you may save us all; my honour, my Clan, Tan - Tan cannot be blamed if I escape, surely? Tan, too, will be safe. Lin, you will have my gratitude for ever... I said

"Lin, you know I cannot. You know it is my duty to go to my betrothed..."

"Piss on your pissing betrothed - you don't even know him. And if you haven't liked being in this prison for ten days, how will you like to be imprisoned in his pissing tent for the rest of your pissing life?"

His voice was not angry but desolate. The whole shape of his body told of his despair.

"Lin", I said, holding him again,

"I'm sorry. If it was just for me it would be different, but the whole future of the Clan rests upon my shoulders."

Now he wept, not loudly but bitterly, sobs shaking the whole of his slight frame. He was so different to hold from Tan, so much smaller, my own size.

"Piss on your rotten vicious treacherous murdering bunch of thieving cut-throats", he said, most sorrowfully.

"I knew you wouldn't come... I only made arrangements for one of us to get out of here..."

I gasped

"Oh Lin - can you get me out?" "Yes", he said,

"if you'll leave me here."

I reflected that the fate that awaited me on the morrow could not affect a man in the same way, so my conscience was not overwhelmed. Tan, I knew, would not harm him, or let others do so.

"I must go, Lin. It is my duty..."

He nodded, gulped, and tried to wipe away his tears.

"I knew you would... Aona, would it injure your pissing honour to kiss me?"

There was only one response I could make to that. I offered my mouth. He took me in his arms and pressed me to him, and he kissed me. So inflaming was the bruising splendour of that kiss, so needful were the hands which roved across my back and flanks, and, indeed, so intimately were my loins still quivering from the excesses of my dream, that had he sought to have his way with me at that moment I doubt that I could have resisted. Then he broke away from me and started to disrobe - "you'll need my clothes", he said.

I of course averted my gaze. I heard the rustling of clothing being removed. Then two arms reached by me, and deposited a pile of clothing on the bed. I kept my gaze averted. He said, from behind me,

"I will need your shift."

Keeping my back to him, I removed the flimsy garment, still shamefully damp, and handed it back to Lin.

"Aona... Aona, look at me..."

the plea came so desperate, so humble. I steeled myself to turn. After all, I had seen Tan naked. Perhaps I did owe it to him, although it seemed a strange request. I turned my head.

So startled was I by what I saw, that I turned around completely, my jaw dropping.

It was as though I were looking into a mirror.

Lin might almost have been my twin; heavier muscled than I, but otherwise... my eyes traveled downwards. For a moment I felt nauseous, felt my stomach lurching, then disgusted, then furious, then utterly confused. The person who had caressed me with such passion only moments before was... a woman.

"Don't hate me, Aona... I came here for you..."

Slowly, almost without my volition, my arms came up to rest upon her shoulders; and then I pulled her to me, and I wept also, pressing my naked skin closely against hers, digging my fingers into her flesh in my effort to bring her yet closer. Smooth skin of her shoulders, her flanks under my hands. Lips still burning mine. Lin. She is a woman... I recalled thinking that I need not feel guilty in leaving a man here. I was not now so certain that Lin would be safe... surely, surely... Tan will not harm her. Not Tan...

It was she who broke the embrace.

"Look, Aona, if you're going to get away tonight we'll have to get a pissing move on. Let me help you dress."

I kept looking at Lin in disbelief as I dressed. He - she - she made no attempt to cover herself. I saw that her breasts were smaller than mine, her hair, now it was released, somewhat longer. Now that I saw her as a woman, I guessed, too, that she was a little older than I. But I could not help but wonder whether she might be some unknown near relation. As I dressed, she kept touching me.

When I was fully disguised, and preparing to climb the rope to the window, Linnain took me by the shoulders one last time.

"Listen, Aona", he - she said,

"I don't give a turd about your pissing honour, right? If you ever want to leave those vicious pissers, if you can get away from them, you come to me, right? I'll leave a purse for you with the Warden at Midnightshead, and I'll make sure he knows where I am. And if it takes you ten pissing years - if it takes your pissing lifetime - just come. No - don't wait that long. Your duty's done with your first son, right? When I've heard you've given the stinking pisser a son, may I come for you?"

I looked at her with sorrow in my eyes.

"I may not want to come, Lin. What if I love Gruath?"

She snorted.

"Have you met him? - no, Aona, I'll come. If you're happy, I'll leave you. But now you must go - Aona, be careful. If you go and hurt yourself I'll break your pissing neck, right?"

And with that, my noble savage, still mother naked, gave me a final kiss and fairly hurled me up the rope.

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