The Rite of Spring: The Priest of the Cunt

The Rite of Spring: Fragment 36

The Priest of the Cunt
which treats of human bondage

Tan had told me that they had decided to adapt a bench so that Aonan could be fastened to it; he was very upset about this, but said that there was no other way. He said that he had to make sure that it fitted her comfortably, and he feared that it would be difficult. He asked me if I would help. So I arranged once again to be excused from my duties that morning - it was a good thing that Bynach was sympathetic to Tan's problems - and went across at the appointed hour. I found Tan sitting on the bench outside the cell, waiting for me. Conan was there, and Duirloch, a very strong but gentle man. Tan said to me "Come in?", and we went.

Aonan was lying on her palette looking bored and fractious. She brightened up noticeably as we went in. She greeted us with pleasure. Tan opened the gate and went and squatted by the palette; he spoke in his most gentle voice.

"Aonan..."

I think she sensed from his behaviour that something was coming, You could see her prepare herself.

"Aonan, you know that I have been careful not to hurt you?" She nodded, looking increasingly wary.

"You know that it is the will of the God that I must perform the Rite?"

She nodded again, getting up off the palette.

"You know that you have said you will not consent to this?"

She backed against the wall, nodding again. Now she looked frightened. He said

"it has been agreed that you should be bound... I have consented to this, and take responsibility. I know you will not forgive me now. I hope that you will one day forgive me..."

She cursed him, low and bitter, in Rhiconicfhearchaorusduadh. I do not speak that language, but it is similar enough to Iachaorachaorusduadh for me sometimes to know what she said. Tan, fortunately, does not speak it at all; but I think he got the drift from her tone. He was pale, and talking very carefully now.

"We have prepared a bench, and wish you to try it, to ensure that you are as comfortable as can be arranged. Will you co-operate?"

She pressed herself flat against the wall, cursing in rising hysteria. He waited until she was quiet. "Aonan, in order to adjust your straps we may have to touch your legs, and I know you would not like that. I have brought with me a thick shirt, and a pair of leggings like my own, which will protect you both from our eyes and from our hands. Will you at least change into these?"

She cursed again. He said

"I will leave them here, and we will go away for a short while. I hope you will get changed. We will come back with the bench."

He straightened up, came out of the cage, locked it, walked out into the corridor, and was violently sick.

I went out after him, and took him by the shoulders. He was trembling violently, bile still dripping from his mouth.

"We can't do this, Kiara. We must not do this. Surely it must be an offence against the God?". I took him down to a washroom, and cleaned him up. He squatted there for a while, head in his hands, saying nothing. Then he straightened up.

"We'd better do it", he said.

Back in the corridor again, he asked Conan and Duirloch to bring the bench. Then we all went into the cell.

Aonan had not changed. She was backed completely into a corner, arms over her face, sobbing desolately. The men put the bench down. Tan went over to Aonan.

"Aonan, lassie, come on now, we've got to do this, let's get it over with, shall we..? Come on now, lassie, we won't hurt you. Please..?"

He was reaching towards her, offering a hand. She made no response. He touched her gently on the shoulder. At once a hand lashed out, clawing him across the face, so that blood ran down from his left eye and across his cheek. He reached out again, just as slowly, and took her wrists. He did not pull. Her hands remained clasped to her face.

"Come on, lassie, come on, help me, it won't take a moment..."

I think that I've never seen two people in worse distress. I certainly never want to again.

He took both of her wrists in one hand, and with the other began dumbly to stroke her hair. He, too, wept. Then suddenly he turned on us saying

"Go away! Get out of here!"

We left. The sound of sobbing continued. After a short while Tan came out. He said

"I curse the God and all her works to eternity in the lowest pit of damnation. I will not do this!"

I felt sick. If Tan refused the order of the God, I knew he would be called up to the Gate, and would not return. He's a good friend, is Tan. I could not face that. I said

"Tan, will you let me try?"

He told me to do whatever I liked. I said

"Tan, I will need your help. Will you help me..? Tan, look I promise I won't hurt her, let me try?"

He said nothing. I said

"Duirloch, you help me?"

Duirloch and I returned to the room. The door was unlocked, and wide open. Aonan was where I had seen her last. I took off my skirt and my shoulder harness, and got up onto the bench.

"Strap me on, Duirloch. Make it good and tight."

He did. The straps were wide, and well padded, but Aonan is a bit smaller than me, and they had been fitted for her. My arms were bent awkwardly, and they hurt almost at once. I said

"Now go away. Lock the door. Give the key to Tan."

The way I was strapped, I couldn't see Aonan. I heard the door lock, and the steps going away, and a muttering of voices outside. Nearer, the desperate sobbing went on. I closed my eyes, and meditated on the Mother, trying to ignore the pain. After a long while, the sobbing eased. I called

"Aonan...". A few moments later she came over, so that I could see her. She still looked really wound up and distraught. I was suddenly, deeply, physically frightened. She looked down on me. She said, in a strained voice

"you are a... a... a gradhuchain. A debased woman. You have no name. You are cast out of the Clan. You have no claim on our aid. We will give you to the dogs, that the dogs may have you."

I said, very gently for I was frightened,

"Aonan, they unnamed your sister, didn't they?"

She started to weep again, her hands going back up to her face.

"Is that what they said to her, Aonan?"

She continued to weep. I could not see whether there was any reaction. Then she said, hysterically

"the horse had you! The horse had you! You are a whore - the horse had you!"

her voice changed, became suddenly tremulous, childish.

"Didn't it hurt when the horse had you?"

She was looking at me again. I said

"Aonan, touch me..."

A hand crept out to my shoulder. I felt that so long as she acknowledged me as a person she would not attack me.

"this is a deep secret, Aonan, a sacred mystery, that I may not talk of to anyone. Do you understand that?" She nodded. Her eyes were still fixed on mine, very serious. I said "It hurt a lot. More than I expected. He was too big, and too forceful. It hurt a lot."

She continued to look at me with that naked direct stare. She said "Didn't you feel defiled, when the horse had you?"

I shook my head. "It is the Rite - Aonan, this is very secret. You must not tell..." She continued to look at me.

"Aonan, it is the belief of my tribe that the increase of the herd is got by the King Horse out of the God. So each year the finest young stallion in the herd is chosen as the King Horse, and a woman priest of the lineage of Kiar takes the place of the God, and it is done, as you saw. It is a honour and a duty of my house. I have many aunts and cousins who can also perform the rite. It is not a duty on me. I did not have to do it. I chose to do it. I served the God. It was an honour, so that I feel proud that I have done it. But it did hurt, a lot."

Still looking at me, she said in a desolate voice

"will it hurt when Tan does it to me..?"

I desperately wanted to reach out to her. She looked so defeated. I think we all in our way felt defeated. She thought she must inevitably lose her honour, which there can be no doubt she valued more highly than her life. I thought that I must inevitably lose my closest friend. Tan, I believe, had chosen to defy the God he had served most of his adult life. I said

"Aonan, you remember that tool we left with you? Did you try it?"

Aonan nodded very slightly. I said

"Did it hurt?"

- she shook her head, a barely perceptible movement. I said

"Tan is gentle. He will not hurt you. If you are bound, it will hurt. My arms are aching. Won't you consent to it?"

She shook her head violently. I said

"Aonan, if you do not consent, I think that Tan will refuse to do it. And if he refuses, he will die. But someone else will do it. It will still happen. Please consent..."

Again she shook her head. She was weeping. She called out "Tan! Tan please come here."

I heard the noises, and then he came into my restricted vision, facing her. She said

"Kiara says that if I do not consent, you will refuse to do the rite. Is that true?"

He looked straight at her.

"I don't know, Aonan... I don't think I can do it..."

"Kiara says, if you refuse to do it, you will be killed. Is that true?"

He nodded.

"That's true, yes."

"Kiara says, if you don't do it, someone else will. Is that true?"

He nodded again.

"I think so, yes." Aonan put her hands on his shoulders.

"Tan, if you do it, I will try to forgive you. But I will not consent. And if you let anyone else do it to me, then I will never forgive you. Do you understand?"

He nodded. He put his arms on her shoulders. They were both weeping. They held each other at arms length like that for a moment, and then pulled each other close. I strained at my bonds to get to them. Aonan broke from him and started immediately to undo my arms, and Tan went to undo my feet. As soon as I was free they pulled me up, and we all held each other for a while.

Then, completely to my surprise, Aonan said

"hadn't we'd better try it then?"

and went to the end of the bench. Feeling suddenly as if we'd achieved a huge victory I turned to help her, but she froze.

"Don't touch me! Please don't touch me..."

- there was real panic in her voice. I saw that Tan had turned away. I stepped back and turned too. After a moment she called to us. She lay on the bench, her wrists and ankles brushing the straps.

"Tan, will you do them up?"

He went over and gently stroked her forehead.

"There's no need, Aonan lass. There's no need..."

"Do it!"

He knelt, and fastened the straps. When he had completed them all, he stood again beside her, hand gently on her forehead, looking down. I could not see his eyes.

She said

"Tan, what will I be wearing?"

"It is not customary for celebrants to wear anything..."

"Oh."

- a long pause. In an even smaller voice

"let me up, Tan?"

We both went to the straps at once, tearing them free. Aonan straightened.

"No-one will come in here, will they? Kiara, please go out into the corridor and make sure no-one comes in...?"

She was undoing her bodice. Without a word, Tan opened the cage door and I went out. I did not go willingly. It was not that I wanted to spy on her, but there was a feeling of intense drama to her, so that I felt drawn to watch. I resisted. I stood in the doorway, looking out into the corridor; but I listened.

There was a slithering of clothes. Then the creak of the cradle, and a period of silence. Then -

"Tan, I'm frightened."

"I know..." "Tan, will it hurt?"

"I will not hurt you, lass, I promise I won't..."

More silence. Was he doing it? Had we won?

"What will happen to me afterwards?"

"I don't know. Will you still want to go to your people?" "I must, Tan. I dare not, but I must..."

"Then, unless you forbid it, I will come too..."

So will I, I promised silently. So will I.

"If it is known what has happened, you will be killed... and... and... and so will I..."

"I know that, Aonan. I will come."

Silence. "Let me up, Tan."

Small noises. Creaking. And then, an undoubted kiss. Who kissed whom?

"What if I don't go? What would happen then..?"

"You could do whatever you like. If you liked, I would find you a House up on the heath, where you could breed horses..."

I would speak to the Council of the House of Kiar, I thought; they would take her in for my sake... Or if she wanted to start her own House, they would give her horses, to start with. Tan's voice came again, softly.

"Aonan, if I wanted to visit you... afterwards... would I be welcome?"

And me, Aonan, would I? More silence. Was that another kiss? Longer silence.

At last I called

"Aonan, may I come back in?"

She called me in, and Tan let me back into the cage. Aonan was dressed as before. She looked strained. Tan was weeping, silently. Had they done it? No, no. They would both have been less burdened... I knelt, and performed the Rite of Trust in Darkness, which is a powerful rite of comfort when everything seems desperate. It seemed to reach to Aonan; after a while, she knelt facing me, and seemed comforted.

Once more we ate together in the cell, the three of us. After we had eaten, we spent time together talking. This time we talked about how it would be to live as horse breeders on the heath, how we would arrange things, what our winter house would be like, what our summer tent. These things weren't said as plans, but as a way of evading the morrow. Aonan talked of a friend of hers called Lin, a dragon hunter who had rescued her in the mountains and brought her into the Place. He had obviously meant a great deal to her. I thought that, if we took from her her place among her own people, perhaps she would be free to live with this Lin. Perhaps he would take care of her as she needed, and she would know joy in that relationship and one day forgive us for what we must do... forgive Tan... forgive Tan.

At last, Tan said

"It is late, Aonan. Will you sleep?"

She said she would.

"I must go and pray, Aonan. I still do not know if I can do the thing. Will you be all right by yourself?"

She nodded.

"Good night, Tan. I will be thinking of you..."

"You will consent?"

"No. No, I must not consent. But... I will pray to my Gods for you. Tan..."

"Yes?"

"Goodnight."

He unlocked the door. I felt lonely, as if he had in some sense been forgiven but I had not. I got up and went to go out. Aonan took me by the hand.

"Kiara..."

I felt the reaction so strongly I shivered. "Aonan..?"

I said.

"Will you be there, tomorrow, Kiara?" Watching in case of reaction, I put my hands on her shoulders.

"It is a matter of the Cock, Aonan. But I can be there..."

of course I will be there. Do you want me there? Aonan said

"it would be easier if I could see you." Oh Aonan! I wept. I felt - I cannot describe how I felt. I felt like a betrayer, and at the same time loved. I hugged her, my tears running into her hair. At last she gently pushed me away, said goodnight, and ushered us out like a hostess showing out welcome guests.

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