Tidings of comfort and joy

Standingstone Farm
Auchencairn
DG7 1RF
Scotland

Dear David Lammy, M.P.

It is, of course, a long standing British tradition to force feed people who choose to go on hunger strike after being imprisoned for non-violent political protest, a tradition so long engrained that the Women's Social and Political Union minted medals for such prisoners, and between 1909 and 1914 were able to present at least 81 of them, a fine testament to Britain's proud history of political repression. However, allowing non-violent political prisoners to starve themselves to death with no effort at intervention appears to be a novel policy, and you are to be congratulated on this reform, which I'm sure the late Sir Humphrey Appleby would describe as 'bold and innovative'. Frances Urquhart would no doubt have particularly congratulated you (privately) on facilitating the convenient death of prisoners who have yet to be convicted of any crime, and whose trial might prove embarrassing for His Majesty's Government.

Again, it has been an unwavering feature of Britain's foreign policy through the centuries that we have always stood ready to support our allies when they were committing particularly grotesque crimes; in the present moment, to tolerate public criticism of the actions of our good friends Benjamin Netanyahu and Yoav Gallant would be a grave stain on the record of the Labour movement, and of the nation.

In short, we may all be confident that Britain's hallowed traditions in the handling of civil liberty and political dissent at home, and of troublesome indigenous populations abroad, are safe in your hands. In this season of goodwill to all men, as we strive protect our friends while they burn the mangers of Bethlehem and bomb and starve the babes in the flooded tents of Gaza, may I wish a very merry Christmas to you and to all your staff.

Sincerely

Simon Brooke

Tags: Foreign Policy, Peace, Politics